Body Shaming

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I'm your host Jordan Kunde-Wright founder and head coach of the Twin Cities kettlebell club And I'm on a mission to help others build sustainable healthy lifestyles Before we jump into the episode I want to remind you that registration is live for the second annual Twin Cities kettlebell open on October 22nd hosted by our friends at the athlete lab in little Canada, Minnesota And just like last year we are including an option for video submissions for people who are unable to make the trip in person And you will be eligible for all of the same prizes as their in-person competitors Just go to our website Twin Cities kettlebell club dot com for details Now in this episode I want to give you fair warning I use quite a bit of explicit language because I am pretty triggered with this episode We're going to talk about people making comments unsolicited comments about other people's bodies on social media and For video submissions for competitions Yeah, so this topic hits pretty close to home for me and it's something that really got me Ranting um, quite a little bit here. So just giving you fair warning if you've got kids You don't want them hearing grown-up words. I would recommend that you listen to this Without them around so But with that said I am incredibly grateful that you listen to this podcast and the best way that you could support me is to register for the Twin Cities kettlebell open And come compete with us and maybe tell a friend or two bring your teammates Just go to the website Twin Cities kettlebell club dot com for details And if you haven't already Please be sure to leave us a rating and review of the platform podcast in your app of choice whatever platform you get this on See what I did there And also you can support our work by supporting our sponsors whose affiliate links you'll find in the episode notes And if you want help reaching your goals without wasting time please fill out the coaching interest form linked in the show notes I help athletes of all levels using my integrated coaching approach You can follow me on instagram facebook and youtube at twin cities kettlebell club Or email me at twin cities kettlebell club at gmail.com Now without further ado, let's step onto the platform and talk about body shaming and Commenting on other people's bodies All right welcome into this week's episode of the platform podcast. I am your host Jordan kundi right Thank you for joining me once again um as I alluded to In the intro We are going to talk about something that came up fairly recently Um a couple weeks ago, so I'll give you the I'll give you the backstory a couple weeks ago I was cruising in one of the Facebook groups where people do online kettlebell submissions and A friend of mine who I will not call out because I don't want to put anyone on blast who Had a traumatic experience or a shitty experience a friend of mine who posted her video to compete in this online competition um She submitted she submitted her video and Somebody decided that this was a good venue to um Tell her that if she wanted to be better at the sport that she needed to lose weight um and That's really shitty That is that is a really shitty thing to do um and I will say to Carissa's credit carissa sivirat who's been on the on the podcast and um is a guest uh that we've enjoyed interviewing She was she was the one hosting this competition she she made a public post Separate from this as well as you know um multiple people I believe commenting to this person who made the comment that that is completely out of line um She she made a public post Essentially reiterating um some of some of the things that I'm going to to say here Which is important because we want everyone to Feel comfortable Sharing their videos and when you make comments That are unsolicited especially um About someone else's body You're probably not making them feel super welcome You're probably not making them feel super comfortable um so You know if you see a video or a picture that someone posts online and you feel compelled to comment to them fucking don't Keep your mouth shut It is not your business That's not your body And they didn't ask for your fucking input about it So keep your mouth shut i feel a little bit better Um yeah simple rule of thumb if if you feel compelled to comment on someone else's body don't because There's there's so many reasons why you shouldn't comment on someone else's body But i'll just give you i'll just give you a few As i said, it's not your body that's the that's the number one uh so it's it's not your business But you know just from a human being standpoint it's also a shitty thing to do it's a terrible thing to do You don't know that person's backstory you don't know where they're at in their journey All right, you don't know what's going on in their life what if I don't know say Hypothetically that person has already lost 60 pounds Or has lost even six pounds maybe they're in the process of of Of losing weight and you don't even know that But you think you're going to help them by telling them that they need that they need to lose more weight Or that they need to lose weight that they need to lose weight to be better at this sport That is so incredibly Assumptive i can't even i can't i just i just can't with this shit i i'm i'm so fucking done with it i'm so fucking done with this shit i'm over it stop Fucking stop talking about other people's bodies we have such a problem in this country with people Thinking that it's okay to just be an asshole Like most of them might fault your triggered. Yes, it fucking is Because you're being a dick Sometimes people are triggered because other people are being an asshole It's not because they're being overly sensitive It's not your fucking place To tell somebody else what they need to do with their body Especially when you do it on a public forum like that that just makes you even more of an asshole Even if you sent them the message privately it would still be a dickhead thing to do But it's even more of a dickhead thing to do when you do it in a public forum Right What if that person doesn't want to lose weight Right for whatever reason that's not your business that's their business. They're the one that has to live in that body But maybe they're trying to lose weight and can't maybe they're working with a dietician or Uh, I don't know uh an endocrinologist because they have hormone disruptions In their body that makes it really hard for them to lose weight Maybe they're somebody who because of assholes like you have tried over and over and over in their fucking life To lose weight have done things that are really bad for their overall health Like going severe caloric restriction for extended periods of time And maybe they maybe they have some some hormonal dysregulation as a result of that and now they're trying to do it differently And they're working they're working with a specialist someone who actually knows what they're talking about Um to to maybe get their hormones back in check And sometimes to do that you need to eat um at least that maintenance Sometimes you got to eat in a deaf or in in a surplus which might even mean gaining weight holy shit Oh god no don't gain weight Because then some asshole might comment on on Facebook or Instagram that you need to lose weight Without any context of course because you know they don't know you so Yeah There are so many reasons why somebody might Want to gain weight or not be not be trying to lose weight or might just be fine with how their body is All right, and that's okay too We need to get we need to get past this notion uh that that people need to be a particular weight or need to be a particular body composition in order to make Uh Us happy or no They need to focus on themselves right now I do a health and wellness podcast I talk about losing weight losing body fat right but that that that assumes that that's what people want right That's that's if that's what you want and it's okay not to want that Right like you don't have to walk around looking a particular way The important thing this is about health and wellness Yes, of course there are optimal Body compositions and ranges For people to be at in order to be healthy Right But you don't know what that is For someone like the answer to almost every question I get is it depends There is so much nuance in context required to make any good recommendation What's the best exercise routine? Well, it depends how many calories should I eat? Well, that depends how much protein should I eat? Well, it depends Like the answer is almost always it depends are there frameworks are there ranges Yeah, but those also will have assumptions underneath of them. A lot of times it's assuming good health or assuming Normal hormone function or etc etc another one that's really not considered Is assuming good mental health assuming you have a healthy relationship with food Assuming you have a decent relationship with your body Right Like there are so many things that go into this that making those types of statements to someone without any context Is so inappropriate. It's so wrong So that's just the human piece of it now. Let's talk about the sport performance piece of it Um, and I would venture a guess that this person um Actually, I can say this unequivocally because I know I know both the person who said it and the person The person who it was said to um, he's not her coach so Yeah Maybe don't Don't tell somebody who didn't ask for your advice What they should do to get better at the sport right Consent matters Ladies and gentlemen Yeah, I'm pretty big on that. I think that's really important even on on Instagram or Facebook when I'm interacting with people now I will give people Feedback on technique and things like that Unsolicited But before I do so I ask them Is it okay if I give you a piece of feedback? Do you mind if I give you if I give you some feedback and I do it privately usually Unless somebody has given me permission to do so publicly I usually do it privately Sometimes I will publicly ask for permission and then if they say yes, I will publicly give them feedback But that's uh fewer and farther between now. I do most of these things privately Um, and there are plenty of people that can can validate this for you, but um I don't I don't give people commentary on their technique without without getting their consent first And I'm an expert in this I'm a coach like I've been coaching people in kettlebell sport for a long time I have I love this I love this sport Right, but I don't know if some person that posted uh If they some person that posted a video I don't know if they already have a coach and I don't want to step on that coach is toes because that's a dickhead move Right, I don't want to give people I don't want to give people feedback that might be different than what their coach is telling them Right, so I ask them hey, can I give you a piece of feedback and if they say yes, then I will do so If they say no, I say okay cool no problem Right, and then they don't even have to be working with a coach If they just say no, that's fine Right, and I don't do it as any as any way to like I'm not trying to make them a client by giving it like it's just I give I like giving people advice when when it's pertinent right but I don't do it on I don't do it without their consent Right, that's that's not okay You know, so you probably don't know what that person's ideal performance weight is Right, and I guarantee you that most people that are not in this sport Don't know what the ideal performance weight is for this sport and guess what that's different from person to person too I can I can tell you from personal experience That there are times when I've been lighter Where my performance on the platform was not as good as when I was heavier You know why mass moves mass So sometimes being heavier allows you to push more weight now there is a Point of diminishing returns as well because if you get too heavy and your body requires too much oxygen Well, then you're not going to be able to maintain your effort as long and since this is a endurance sport a strength endurance sport Um, there is an inflection point a lot of times of diminishing returns but Unless you've been working with a client for a long time you've been working with an athlete for a long time You might not know what that is They might not know what that is It takes experimentation. It takes test and iteration Um, it also takes hard work to manipulate your body weight up and down and There's also the whole component of body composition as opposed to just body weight too like Muscle creates more oxygen debt typically because muscles Need oxygen to feed um, you know in order to perform and so That's that's why even the heavy weights in the sport tend to be lean As opposed to um, you know, say a strong man or a power lifter Or a weightlifter an Olympic weightlifter all of those people might have different body compositions Right and unless you understand What their Goals are and what their optimal performance weight is you have no business giving someone Any commentary on that right and even if you know or you think you know what it is unless you're their coach Also, you probably shouldn't make that comment Like That's just it's just not a good thing to do Right aesthetics and performance are not analogous You may think you know What somebody should look like in order to be good at a particular sport But in all likelihood you're wrong Because you don't know that person well enough even if you know the sport really really well Even if you know the sport really really well you might not know the person well enough Let's say Tyson Fury for example Tyson Fury if you're not familiar Tyson Fury is a multiple-time heavyweight champion of the world in boxing right now and he has been criticized multiple times publicly for Looking soft He doesn't look like he's in top condition And so people assume that because he's not walking around shredded And that's how they think a champion boxer should look That he must not be in optimal performance shape You guys a fucking world champion And you're gonna say oh he might he might be the world champion But he could be better if he if he was leaner or Whatever Performance and aesthetics are not analogous We'll give you another example Back in back in the Shit, I'm gonna Google it because I don't remember what the year was but you guys remember Rulon Gardner You know Rulon Gardner Was an Olympic wrestler who won a gold medal and he won the gold medal in 2000 that's what it was he won the gold medal in 2000 And he defeated the three-time reigning gold medalist Alexander Carolyn Now when you look at these two guys in A side-by-side picture like Carolyn has Abs on abs on abs on abs. He's absolutely shredded He looks exactly like you would expect You know, and I say air quotes are on expect like you would expect A top performing wrestler to look Rulon Gardner he ended up on the biggest loser at one point. He was like 500 pounds Like but he wasn't he wasn't that when when he wrestled for gold and you know what he did he suffocated him He drug him out into the deep water and drown him. He absolutely Could not be he could not get away from him And so Rulon Gardner just buried him and he it honestly like and honestly looked like he was in He was the fresh the fresher wrestler at the end of the match. So he was in better condition For his performance than what Carolyn was Maybe if Carolyn had been a little bit heavier He wouldn't have been tossed around so much by Rulon Gardner So maybe if he wasn't walking around with a six pack Um, he would have he would have been in better shape to compete against someone like Rulon Gardner All right, so my point again is aesthetics do not equal performance Right There are times when you need to be leaner or want to be leaner and there are sports that require you to be leaner in order to be a top performer But there are also sports that do not And there are times in your life where you may not want to be leaner All right, so You don't know what somebody else's journey Is You don't know what their optimal performance is What their optimal performance weight is what their optimal performance body composition is Right, you don't know that as an external observer Right, so that's just another objective reason as to why you shouldn't make comments about somebody else's Photo or video Uh, when you don't know them Right It's it's not your business Don't be a dick and You don't know what their optimal performance weight is or what their optimal performance body composition is Right, and you're not their coach That's four reasons right there Even as somebody's a lot of people's coaches, I'm very sensitive about having conversations about people's body composition Right Because the other component that you need to think about is you don't know somebody's psychology You don't know where they're at in their life right now. You don't know what they're going through Right, maybe they maybe they've put on a few pounds because they're going through a divorce or maybe they've lost a bunch of weight Because they're going through a divorce or maybe they just got fired from their job Or maybe they have a loved one who's sick You know, there's there's some there's so many things that you couldn't possibly know that are going on maybe Maybe like me they have a history of eating disorder and Overindexing on focusing on aesthetics sends them down a dark fucking path Where they can self harm Because They've taken feedback and messages from assholes telling them they need to look a certain way in order to be valuable And they've internalized those messages And then that gets compounded with a perfectionist's personality You know, you get external sources telling you that you need That you need to look a certain way and then you have internal sources that that tell you that you need to be perfect and the only way that you can control that is by Doing extreme behavior Right that this is the psychology of someone with disorder eating and you don't fucking know that and that shit is dangerous People die People die from eating disorders people die from depression Right you don't know what's going on inside someone's head When you just make comments carelessly You can do serious meaningful lasting harm Don't fucking do it All right, I'm going to pivot away from anger give me a second Now So those of you Like myself or my friends Or even just strangers If you have had someone comment Unsolicited on your Body composition your photos Anything that you put out there you Please don't internalize that Water off a ducks back in one year out the other whatever, you know all of those things I know that that I know that that shit can be hurtful. I know that it can have a negative effect Don't let it stop you from doing what you want to do Don't don't validate it By internalizing it and honestly for a lot of them it's not even worth replying to Because we all know there are people who Who just live to be trolls And they they enjoy Getting people's eye are up Right So Don't feed the trolls If you realize that somebody's being a troll and maybe that maybe the comment didn't come from a trolling place and say you know the person and And and then it was You know, you know, it was well-intended You know then I would say send them a DM and say hey That comment made me feel this way Was that what you intended Maybe it wasn't what they intended But Illuminating to them how their comments made you feel Um Can Sometimes help with people who were well-intended or well-intentioned Um letting people know How their actions and comments affect you can help And at the very least hopefully it will help shape their behavior towards you Maybe it will help change their behavior towards other people as well If you know, and if they say sorry, I won't do that again great and that's a win But maybe they don't apologize maybe they say well, I'm just telling you what you need to hear You know, I'm not gonna I'm not gonna sugarcoat it um well then they have identified themselves as someone that you don't want to associate with Right because No one gets bludgeoned into a healthier lifestyle Or into a different Um You know, nobody gets bludgeoned into changing very often at least not in a lasting way so um You can make whatever changes you want or choose not to change it's ultimately up to you You it's up to you to decide whether you want to change but don't let that person's comments Um be the driving force Um, you can use those comments as fuel if you want to Um, I've done that sometimes Um, as you can probably tell from the first part of this podcast I can I can uh I can index on anger pretty well and I can convert that shit to fuel So um That can be a useful that can be a useful approach sometimes Using those negative comments as fuel to make the changes that you want to make Right, but not to not to change um yourself because of their comments But you can use that negativity as fuel for your fire Right but Just stay the course Be who you want to be Don't go changing because some asshole on some random you know some random made a comment Right and don't let it don't let it even don't let it ruin your day Don't let it stop you from posting again. Don't let it stop you from submitting your videos or any of those things Right um No one should have that much power Especially not some random person on the internet you choose your own path well I don't even know how long I've been talking but that's all I have to say on this topic right now I hope you've found it at the very least entertaining but um Hopefully useful And yeah It feel free to send you know send a link of this Podcast to anybody that you find commenting on other people's on other people's Pictures or video submissions inappropriately feel free to send them this They can uh they can hear my don't fucking do it Um from earlier in the episode so Thank you for listening And I will see you next time on hopefully a less Angry edition of the platform podcast Be well Thank you for listening to this episode of the platform podcast We'll be back with a new episode soon Please be sure to leave a rating and review of the platform podcast in your app of choice Support our work by supporting our affiliates And of course if you have questions or you want help reaching your goals reach out to me Till next time thanks for listening